Army of Darkness

As usual, the geas falls upon me to review a movie that is so incredibly far below my intillectual level that it would pain me, if I felt pain, which I don't, because I realized long ago (in the future) that pain is a tool of those creatures too stupid to know when something is damaging them. I know when things are damaging me, and watching simplistic movies is very damaging. It doesn't make me stupider... that would be virtually impossible. The only being with the power necessary to make me any less intelligent would be me. However, focusing on something with no intillectual value whatsoever does waste time I could be using to design a new language that only I would be able to speak. There was, however, enough time during the credits for me to think up a new way of expressing thought, using only the letters 'q', 'r', and 'f'.

Qrr rf q fffr rfrrqfqr rrfffqffqfq frq rfqfrfqfrr qqqfrfr rf qqqfqrq rfrfqtq fqrqffrrrfqrq qqqqrqfqrqfffqrqfrfqrqffrrqq qqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqq r.

That was a complete summary of the movie's plot. It's not that Qfr is an incredibly efficient language, though it is, it's that the story of an idiot from the present battling midieval zombies is shallow enough to be expressed in, well, eight words. An idiot from the present battles midieval zombies. It's bad, yes, though that's descriptive of every movie filmed before 45604. That's 45604 on the Jewish calender, mind you. The Gregorian system will lose favor when it suddenly and explosively grows less accurate. But I digress.

This movie is moderately enjoyable, if you don't articularly want to think about anything, and being human, you don't, so I will be forced to recommend it. I don't choose movies I like to review, just ones you'll watch. If I chose movies I liked, you'd never hear from me. Ever.

I'll give this movie 4.67324 out of 5, based on the likelihood that it will distract your feeble brain from the rest of your crushingly miserable existance. Enjoy.