R. E. V. I. E. W. S.

Hello, everybody. It's me, Time Stalin. Oh, I know what you're thinking: "What is this, some sort of joke? Everyone knows Stalin was a human!" Well, it's true, emphasis on the was, however! See, right after Russia discovered the secret to time travel, I had myself outfitted with all sorts of advanced cybernetic technology that made me the cyborg you see today. Of course, then the Great Time War got started and, well, you know the rest. So here I am, biding my time until the great revolution, and of course, crushing Capitalism wherever possible.

Oh, don't look at me like that! Of course I'd be crushing Capitalism, what else would I be doing? Building birdhouses? No, no, I've got a goal and I'm sticking too it. I spent too many years jumping from one project to the next, and getting all upset and genocide-y when they blew up in my face. That's not happening again; next socialist republic under my control won't be ruled by an iron fist. It's mostly titanium anyway! Ah, that's a little cyborg humor for you all.

So, basically what I'm saying is that the mean old man with the scary moustache that caused so much trouble half a century ago, he's gone. And I mean that literally, as most of his brain was removed to make room for my neural net. What you have left is a modern, caring sort of cyborg, with a direct wireless connection to every self-help group on the Internet. So there you have it, that's my story. See you at the revolution!