Alien Hominid (GC, PS2)

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Er, um, uh, Mr., uh, Mr. Hypermind, sir? Is- is Rob okay?

Robot 1 is a poorly-programmed automaton whose warranty expired decades ago. No, JC-65, it is not okay.

You can call me Jack, if you'd like.

I am aware of what I can or cannot do, JC-65. If I prefer to avoid being familiar with some of my more embarrassingly simplistic ancestors, so be it. Now, if you must know, Robot one is playing a game where one kills humans by the truckload. It is short, relatively difficult, and the graphics are unimpressive even by present standards, as opposed to my standards, where they are nonexistent. However, it is what passes in this century as fun, which is to say, extremely violent. Robot 1 is as close to feeling joy as it will ever be.

But... but... he's just sitting there... not, er, not moving. And, um, he's on... and the console is on... and the television is on... and with none of them, er, mobile, it's just, um, I mean, er...

You want to dust him. You overgrown vacuum cleaner. Very well, proceed. I doubt he'll notice.

Thank you!

...pathetic. The game would get something like a 4.02843 out of 5 on an unbiased scale. Those two, on the other hand, just make me want to fast forward entropy and end the universe. And I know how to, so you should thank me for not doing it.