Katamari Damacy

Oh, er, good heavens. I, um, I must apologize for the, well, "significant downtime" I suppose would be the most, ah, tactful way to put it. It, ah, it seems that when Master Ed left for various reasons a few months prior, um, and Time Stalin was left in charge, he, ah, organized our activities in such a way that there was no time to actually, well, review movies. We, uh, we did grow a lot of beets, though, so... um... I'm sure it is all for the best. However, it seems that Time Stalin will not be left in charge again.

So, er, that all being put aside I suppose it must be about time for me to actually get to the, ah, meat of the review, then, yes? If, if you're ready, of course. I don't mean to rush you, of course. Please, proceed at your own pace... no rush, certainly. Now, when you're ready, I'd like to talk about a, uh, a video game that really, um, well, it speaks to me. The game is called "Katamari Damacy", and it's very close to my... well, I don't have a heart, um, but if I did, then... um.. it w-would be close to... my... heart. Um, my central energy reserve? I- I don't know. I shouldn't have started. I'm sorry. I think I should, uh, move on now, please.

In "Katamari Damacy" you play the son of the King of All Cosmos, and you are making stars, but what's, um, really important is that Earth is very, very cluttered, a-and you clean it! That is your purpose, although you do it in an odd way, but you are cleaning up but collecting everything into a growing ball, first the ,uh, very small things, then larger items as the ball grows larger, and larger, and then it gets thrown away! It's amazing! Cleaning like I could never have imagined, as you get large enough to pick up all the debris, the cars and buildings, and plots of land, until all that is left is a grand expanse of glorious, glorious blue emptiness! And then all the trash gets tossed into the sky, and, um, I, uh, oh, oh dear, I fear I m-may have gotten a touch carried away. I'm sorry, terribly sorry. It won't happen again.

Um, I, ah, enjoy playing this game when I'm not cleaning. Not, not in place of cleaning, of course, certainly not! It's just that, uh, sometimes Master Ed, uh, in his wisdom, of course, decides to, um, lock all my cleaning equipment away after I've been vacuuming for a few hours. Then, when I've finished alphabetizing and arranging, um, everything, I allow myself to play the game while I wait for Ed to finish whatever is was that he decided would be more important that rebleaching his mattress.

Um, I find that this game should have a five out of five, but you might not feel that way, so you could consider it to be worth less, but you don't have to think of it as worth less, if you don't want to. Um. Yes.