American Beauty

Hu-mons are confusing. I do not understand them one bit. They are all naturally programmed with the ability to just deal with their short, eventless, painful lives until they cease functioning and can be used as food, but they do not. They persist in being unhappy often, causing pain and even damage to other hu-mons, and engaging in self-destructive behavior. Even I can see that the simplest way to create peace and allow all hu-mons to live without killing one another would be to on second thought it is clearly an impossible task please pay no attention to the previous paragraph.

This hu-mon film is about hu-mon relationships. Robots do not need relationships, which is why robot films are much more efficient. In one hundred twenty minute span of an average hu-mon movie, you could watch one hundred twenty robotic films, with time in between each to use the restroom which you would not need to do as robots do not excrete solid matter but rather a harmless, carbon monoxide-rich exhaust constantly.

It is my understanding that this movie has been subject to many awards and commendations from hu-mons who enjoy watching other hu-mons who have problems. The female that instructs and controls my owner, Ed, is fond of this movie as well. This is why I have been instructed to give a good rating, in what I assume is some sort of complicated mating ritual. Hu-mons are very confusing.

Analysis: 4 out of 5, standard deviation of 1.1.