The Manchurian Candidate

Oh, um, hello sirs and madams. I- I'm JC-65, and, uh, I'm not really supposed to be reviewing this movie. See... um... Time Stalin usually takes care of the, uh, political thrillers and whatnot, but, uh, right now he's busy battling Doctor Whomever for control of the International Space Station, so, um, I've been called in to, uh, to take his place. Not- not that I could ever really take his place, I mean... after all he's part human, so he's still in charge, um, but I, uh... oh dear, why do I say these things without thinking? Um, okay, the review...

Uh, the movie stars Denzel Washington as an Army Captain who's turned sort of, um, crazy, and Liev Shrieber as an Army private who's running for Vice President. Oh, this is difficult... if I give away too much, then I'll have ruined the movie for you... but if I give away too little then you won't want to see it, and I'll have completely failed Time Stalin and everyone else who's counting on me to give a good review! And then... and then I'll be thrown out for failing everyone and I'll have to join a Junkyard Society... I'll never survive in a Junkyard Society! They've got construction robots, general use robots, even demolition robots! I'll- I'll... they don't need a cleaning unit! I'll be torn up for spare parts! Oh dear, oh dear!

Um, please listen! I, uh, I just need to cover the movie and I'll be fine. But I... I didn't even understand the movie! The ending didn't make sense and I've been trying really hard to understand it! The relationship between the candidate and his mother was just... unnerving, and I don't, um, I have no idea what it was supposed to mean! Oh, oh I'm doomed. I'm so doomed.

The... um... the basic ideas behind the conspiracy were interesting enough, but I, uh, suppose I can't really explain them. Oh dear, uh... the actors were all fine, I think. The main characters were all sort of strange, but I, uh, suppose that was on purpose. Um... there was, uh, nothing very wrong with it... I liked it, I suppose. Or maybe not. I... oh please, I don't want to be torn apart!

I... I'll give 'The Manchurian Candidate' a three and a half out of four, because even if I got confused I liked it. But, maybe if you like conspiracy movies it would be higher. Or, um, lower... i-if you don't. And- and if you're the ruler of a Junkyard, I'd just like to assure you that a cleaning unit can be really, um, very useful. Really!