Dune

I've seen the year 10,191. I know the year 10,191. It was not like this. There were no sandworms, glowing blue eyes were much less common, and the most valuable spice was, believe it or not, those little red pepper flakes one gets with pizza. It got to the point where there was one flake per pizza when the LawKeepers finally stepped in and, to be frank, things got bloody. Sicily IV was completely devastated, and remains a living tribute to all the scrapes you pitiful humans can get into. Also, if a ship lands there, the inhabitants will be killed and devoured by the mutants.

So. 'Dune'. Has a lot of famous people in it. Jean-Luc Picard. Grima Wormtongue. Al. And yet, here I am, smarter than your entire planet, utterly baffled. It's an... uncomfortable feeling. I could defeat David Lynch at chess in one move, which is something most humans don't even know is possible, and yet until I accessed the segment of my literary memory core dedicated to the work of Frank Herbert, the original author, I could not tell you what was going on to any significant degree. What's this water of life? Who's the squid in a jar? Why does everybody get a voice over? I don't like having questions!

Visually the movie is adequate. The special effects demonstrate the height of 1984 "technology". Sets, costumes, actors, all are present or better. It's especially interesting to see a young Sting, shortly before he wrote the song which would be the anthem of the First Lunar Empire. (Every Little Thing She Does is Magic. Mooners are an especially incomprehensible breed of human.)

This movie is not to recommended. If I had to mull it over for a fraction of an instant, then you will never understand it if you have your entire puny life to work with, and even if you leave detailed notes for your children to start with, they will never understand either. Your grandchildren, maybe, but probably not.

I generously give 'Dune' a 1.1094323 out of 5 for technical merit and difficulty of the assignment. It's been said that 'Dune' cannot be compressed into anything less than five hours, although I am capable of expressing it in ten words. I will present it to you, to save you the energy of reading the book.

"In eight thousand years, humans will all still be idiots."